Man I don’t know how I’m going to do it but I’m probably going to kill myself sometime soon. Or at least in an ideal world I would be about to…wait a minute lol in an ideal world I would be where I wanted to be instead of stuck with people that make me miserable.
Stuck with a body and brain that gives me miserable feelings. Psychiatric medications make me feel worse in the end. They sap my creativity. Then they hook you. A friend was on Paxil for years and couldn’t stop - his father was the doctor. I can’t do that to myself. I already did with oxycontin for 3 years and I’ve had enough of playing with my brain chemistry. I don’t even drink anymore, only pot. It’s the one thing that doesn’t change my identity and works like a charm.
But even that isn’t the answer to life. Nothing is for a thing like me. How long will I last I really don’t know. A lot of people think about this someone said, but how many people have taken extra drugs and not cared if they woke up the next day. I never took an excessive amount because the natural human leaning is toward preservation, but I definitely took extra…a few times. Xanax and oxycontin. Oxycontin and vicodan. Oxycontin and oxycontin. But I don’t want to be a vegetable, either…
Got to do the job right and I was doing it wrong all along.
